Project Parenthood - Part III

Here is Part III of the Project Parenthood series at EastLake... 

Just another recap of items 1-5 of what kids need from caring adults.  This weekend we covered a couple doozies...items 6 and 7: 

1. Strong belief there is a high value in being a parent
2. On-going affection
3. Use encouraging words
4. Don't forget about having serious fun
5. Consistent presence
6. Delicate discipline - Discipline is about guidance, not punishment (love and discipline go hand in hand). When disciplining your child, be cautious and delicate. Be wise and think through all situations. Be fair in your approach to disciplining and make sure that the consequence is connected to the offense and is clearly communicated. 
7. Activate responsibility - A sense of responsibility is developed within each child so assign age-appropriate chores and allow consequences by not always bailing your kids out all the time. Consequences will build self-esteem and will teach kids that they have power and control in their lives. 

This week's lesson really piqued my interest for some reason.  My little handout was plastered with a ton of notes!  One thing that David has been set on is ensuring that our kids do not ever feel/act like they're entitled to everything and also understand the value of working hard for what you want.  I can definitely rally behind that!  I'm curious to see which one of us will be the "disciplinarian" of the family.  The verdict changes daily depending on the topic.  For me, I think I'll struggle with refraining from bailing out my kid all the time but I guess we'll see!  There are so many ways to go about disciplining and activating responsibility within your child so perhaps that's why I was so interested in this topic.  You could mess up in so many ways with these two items!  I suppose as parents we'll just have to learn and adjust along the way... luckily, we have a little bit of time to go before we really have to focus on these!  ;) 

Here's the link to the talk if you want to listen for yourself: http://eastlakecc.com/services/ 

Project Parenthood - Part II

Here is another installation of what we learned at EastLake on Sunday... 

As a reminder, I've included the first two things (of a list of 10) that kids need from caring adults.  This weekend we covered items 3-5: 

1. Strong belief there is a high value in being a parent
2. On-going affection
3. Use encouraging words - when you see something your child is doing, phrase it positively and try to focus on things beyond just performance (ex: I love you, I believe in you, and highlight when the 5 C's are exhibited - no matter what age)
4. Don't forget about having serious fun - we need to remember to laugh, play, and dance on a regular basis! Despite our busy schedules, we need to lighten up and actually schedule fun.  
5. Consistent presence - The idea of presence is a challenge to our priorities and selfishness.  We can't forget that parenting is synonymous with sacrifice!  Your very presence is a sign of caring and connectedness. Focus, face them, and give feedback! Be a reflective listener. 

I think the part that stood out to me the most this week was #5.  I'm going to be honest and say that I truly SUCK at #5. As I listened to the pastor talk about what it means to be consistently present, I could feel the guilt build up inside. I'm actually surprised I didn't get a few hard nudges from David as he spoke!  My lack of presence was definitely more apparent when I was working, but I know it happens from time to time when I am focused on something - whether it be something on the TV, online, or just a random thought I'm fixated on at that particular moment in time. 

I guess its not enough to physically be present but to actually BE present as well!  I don't hear this as often anymore but after all those long days at work, I'd come home after David had already been home for HOURS and he'd try to talk to me.  Unfortunately, my mind would often be somewhere in the office still and he would have to yell at me to "BE PRESENT"!  Literally.  I feel bad that I was/am that way.  That's one of the things I hope to change when I go back to work after my maternity leave.  While on this medical leave I've realized that while being so obsessed with work and my career I've missed a lot of family time, some potentially meaningful conversations, and even just random, silly, fun times with David and sweet Pookie.  That's not to say that I don't/won't care about my career when it's time to go back but I will definitely put my family first.  This is how I was raised and thinking back, has made all the difference in my relationship with my parents and how I want to be as a wife and mother moving forward. 

By the way, great news!  I just learned that EastLake actually posts their past services on their website!  In case you're not getting enough from my Cliff's Notes version and are interested in listening to the message, you can go here. 

Project Parenthood - Part I

Well, we officially have 2 weeks and 3 days left until baby Sebastian's estimated due date!  He can literally pop out any day now!  SO crazy, exciting, scary, and overwhelming all at the same time.  Most of all, I think we're excited and curious for what lies ahead.  Over the course of the past 8.5 months and even before we got pregnant, we've talked about the type of parents we hoped to be for our baby. Some components of the "ideal" parent stem from our own personal experiences growing up - a mix of what not to do and what we absolutely must do, while others come from things we've read about along the way (I am currently obsessed with reading mommy/parenting blogs), what we hear from our friends who have kids, and ever the couch potatoes, what we've seen on TV or in movies.  ;) 

I realize there isn't a perfect definition of what it means to be a parent and the absolute right way to do things... and to be honest, that part makes me nervous!  I like to know what I'm getting myself into no matter the situation - and I definitely don't have the security of knowing what it will be like when we bring our baby into this world.  Regardless of this uncertainty, I know that we will take this responsibility seriously.  I'm sure there will be many, many bumps along the way but I'm confident we'll figure it out together.  The good news is that we're relatively on the same page in terms of how we think our parenting style will/should be.  

Yesterday, we went to church where they started a new series called "Project Parenthood".  The timing couldn't have been more perfect for us; especially as our lives are about to drastically change!  David and I aren't the most religious people and are far from being regular church goers but what I really liked about this series is how practical it is - whether you're religious or not.  Anyway, I thought I'd briefly share what was covered yesterday and will probably continue to post what I've learned throughout the series (assuming we're able to attend given Sebastian's pending arrival). 

Begin with the End in Mind: At the end of the day, we want to teach our kids to exhibit/live the following C's -

• Confidence
• Character (having a moral compass)
• Convictions
• Compassion
• Competence (the potential to make some kind of difference in the world)

What parent wouldn't be happy if their child ended up with these characteristics with their guidance, right?!  Good news is... even though David and I were raised very differently, I'd like to think both sets of parents were successful in teaching us these C's.  

10 Things Kids Need from Caring Adults: (Note - we were only able to cover the first 2 this time around)

1. Strong belief there is a high value in being a parent - we need to take this role seriously and should be a major focus in our lives
2. On-going affection - we need to show our children and each other affection, we need to pour it on so that it is a regular and natural thing

#2 really struck a chord with me.  In truth, I'm not the most openly affectionate person and I really hate PDA.  It's so strange how affectionate I can be with Pookie but sometimes have issues doing so with actual people.  I'm hoping that won't be the case when Sebastian comes.  I will definitely have to be  more aware and intentional when it comes to #2 - not just with the baby but with all other relationships.  

In case you're interested, more to come next week...  :)